Only Human and I'm Sorry
by G27-Penny
Summary: Oh Ha Ni kept herself in her bedroom for a few days with a knife. Beak Seung Jo comes up to get her. His is shocked to see her like well, the way that she is. "Why, why did you have to do this?"


_**I was listening to I'm Only Human by Christina Perri and Goodbye (I'm Sorry) by Jamestown Story while watching Playful Kiss muted. I also kept thinking of Oh Ha Ni killing herself because of her love. I couldn't get rid of these thoughts. So I usually do what I do. I vented all of these thoughts and emotions in writing. It is sad, but I hope you like it.**_

 _ **Oh Ha Ni kept herself in her bedroom for a few days with a knife. Beak Seung Jo comes up to get her. His is shocked to see her like well, the way that she is. "Why, why did you have to do this?"**_

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My name is Oh Ha Ni and I have been crushing on one guy since I was in ninth grade. His name is Baek Seung-jo. He is the number one genius in the school. We also are in the same grade. I have been living under his parents for almost a year now.

The past year a lot has happened. Like the new house that my fathers build just happened to be going down in shambles because of an earthquake. Seung-jo's father just happens to be my father's best friend while growing up together. I also gave Seung-jo the love letter, but when he handed me back the letter he gave me an F on the letter. Seriously, who would grade a love letter? Apparently Seung-jo would. That is really sad.

Ever since I entered his house my happy-go-lucky personality had disappeared. I am always sad and depressed now. Each morning when I try to be happy, Seung-jo just tears it all down. I tried to build a wall in my heart, but each time Seung-jo looks at me and called me stupid. With him looking down on me all the time, puts me on the edge of hiding from everyone every day. His mother has taken a notice in my behavior.

I have been faking everything these days. My father doesn't notice that I always fake a smile. I can force a laugh. I can officially fake my own happy-go-lucky personality now. It is really sad. I can dance and play the part of the happy me. I am giving all of what I use to be.

I keep telling myself that I can do it and deceive everyone that I am really happy. I can do this. I can do it, even though I am human. I hide from everyone so I can bleed and fall down from crying and cutting myself. I tell myself that I am human. I become emotional. I once again hide from everyone so I can crash and break into an emotional wreck.

His words, I keep hearing Seung-jo's words in my head, that I am stupid and useless. Every time, every time he says that it feels like there are knives in my heart physically and emotionally. I wait until he usually leaves to go down on my knees and then fall down to the ground. He keeps me on my toes thinking that there is still hope, but then I fall apart each and every time.

I am only human; otherwise I wouldn't feel like this. Yeah, I keep telling myself that hiding all of this is okay. I am hiding the real me. I am hiding my emotions. I may feel like crap but it is better this way. I can turn this act on at anytime. I am like a robot with no emotions. I have become Baek Seung-jo, an emotionless person like a robot. I feel like everything is on my shoulders as if all of the worlds life depends on me.

I can keep this up. I can't be with him, not like this. He has destroyed me. I keep telling myself that I can do it. I have deceive everyone that I am really happy even myself. I can do this. I can do it, I can get through this. I am human though. I hide once more and become an emotional wreck. I start cutting myself once more, blood. I see blood falling down. I am falling down from crying and cutting myself once more. I can crash on the grass and break down once more. He had broken me. This is all Seung-jo' fault.

I keep hearing his words in my head; I do believe that I am stupid and useless. I believe his words now. I feel like there are knives in my heart physically and emotionally tearing me apart. His words have kept me on my toes thinking that there is still hope, but I keep falling apart trying to believe if there is any hope at all. I start to question myself. I start to question if I am human anymore. Am I human? Am I human at all? Is there even a sliver of hope anywhere?

I just sit there on the ground. I have taken so much from him. That is until now, I have had enough. This is when I do believe that I am human. I have fallen down every time that I have cut myself. I kept seeing that I have bleed and falling it down my forearms to my wrist to the ground. I have crashed and broken down from many, many emotional wrecks now. I still hear his words, I still feel like there are knives in my heart that is tearing me apart. He built me, he made me like this. He forced me like this and then I fall apart.

"I am human and I am sorry father." There was a letter right beside me. I wrote a suicide letter telling everyone what has happened to me.

There was time, but now there isn't much time left for me anymore. I can't take it anymore. I don't know what's what anymore. I don't know what to believe. I feel so lost. Is so hard now and I need to leave forever. My life is meaningless now; there is nothing that is worth my smile anymore. He has ruined me and broken me so many times that life is meaningless now.

"Goodbye father. I'll miss you."

I am incontinent. I am also inconvenient to everyone in the Beak's house, but this is my fate. Everything is so worthless now. Why should I care if anyone thinks that I am better off alive then right now? I have my grandmother and mother waiting for me. I don't care anymore. I don't care if Seung-jo cares about me now. I have waited too long, it better this way. This is my goodbye to everyone, I don't care is no one will cry over me. I am not worth the tears….

The years of the coldness from his would be abuse. I don't care though, that I have been neglected from loving someone who doesn't love me. In a way it would be consider a disorder that has taken over me for so long. I have been depressed and no one took noticed. I have been like this for so long and no one bothered to ask me what was wrong. I feel like I have been dead. I am like a walking zombie. There is no use to be like this anymore. Why should I be holding on to someone who will never love me back? It has been five years why count anymore? It is better off this way, so I don't have to worry.

This is my fate. Don't worry, it better off this way. There is nothing for me anymore. Why should I stay? Why should I care? Why would anyone cry over me?

I am not worthy of any tears. "Goodbye cruel world."

I could hear someone calling me. I could barely hear it. I hear knocking. I close my eyes. I can do it. I can do this correctly. I want to leave this world. His words aren't worthy to do this to me anymore. I need to leave this world. I see my blood. I can do this, I can get through this. I am human, yeah I am human. I hear the door open. I can see Beak Seung-jo. His eyes widen when he looks at me. He is about to yell out.

"I am not worthy to be yelled out for help, so please don't bother Seung-jo. Just stay and hear me out for once." He just kept looking at me with his mouth ajar.

"Sit down and listen for once." He pulls out my chair so he could literally sit right beside me.

"I have carried a lot of pressure on my shoulders ever since I came into your house. I have to be good and not say anything. I did listen to you. You just never listened to me. All the things that have happened weren't my fault. It was my friends and you're mothers. I told myself that I can do it, to ignore everyone and their judging ways. I got through it, but you didn't. You always took everything the way it was said. You didn't bother to hear out my side of my story. You thought I did everything on purpose to bother you and your life, but I didn't. I never did anything to hurt you, but you always saw it differently. I held my tongue in but you always blamed me. I took that blame and blamed myself for not standing up and telling a lie. I would be awake for days for not doing anything, that it would eat me alive. I was willingly to lie to everyone even my friends because that's what you wanted me to do."

I looked at him and he kept staring at me. "You were willingly to do that for me?" He asks me. I just ignore his question.

"But what is worse is that you broke me. You ruined me, you made me into nothing. From you being so cold and mean to me, you made me into a robot just like you. I can fake my happy-go-lucky personality because of you. I can force a laugh, fake a smile in front of everyone. I deceived everyone including you and myself. I managed everything by myself. When I get emotional I would hide from everyone and cry silently to myself. I have been depressed for five years now because of you. You have destroyed me Beak Seung-jo and now… It's time… For me… To go…"

My breathing starts to get ragged. Seung-jo gets up and holds me in his arms. "Why, why would you do this?" He asks me. "I did this because I thought I wasn't human. I had to do it."

"Seung-jo, what taking so long?" His mother. She doesn't know. She shouldn't know. Seung-jo starts walking. She is going to know. This shouldn't be happening, but it is. I don't say anything. I start to lose vision. I start to feel numb and cold. I can feel something wet. I look up and barely see Seung-jo's face. He is crying. "I'm sorry." It was then I could hear his mother making a gasp. Lucky for me my father was still at work.

"We should call for 911!" His father says. I had the letter in my hand. "It's too late. She has lost so much blood that she only has minutes left."Seung-jo says to everyone.

I could hear his mother crying. I also could hear his father crying. It was little Eun-Jo who spoke up. "Why would you do this to us Ha Ni? Why?" I could also hear him crying.

"Put me down." I say to Seung-Jo. He lays me down on the ground. I look up to see everyone around me. "I'm sorry but I had to do this. I needed closure. I am happy now. I will belong to where I need to be.." I smile. I am happy now.

Everyone is crying over me. "You don't need to die. Everyone here loves you. Why would you need closure?" Geum-Hee says. "Why are you being stupid? You don't need to do this Ha Ni-noona. I will stop the insults. I just wanted to tease you that's all." Eun Jo says to me. "What would your father think?" Soo-Chang says.

"My father will be sad, but once he reads the letter he will understand. All of you should read it too. The letter is for everyone. Eun Jo, it's not your fault. Its your brothers." I start to cough up blood. "It starting." I tell myself, while smiling.

Everyone didn't understand. "How is it Seung-jo's fault?" Seung Jo speaks up. "I'm sorry. I am really sorry turning you into this Oh Ha Ni. I am sorry, for everything that I did. But before you go, I want to say something to you that I finally realized a few days ago. I love you, Ha Ni." I look at Seung Jo. "I love you too, but it's too late. You made me wait for far too long."

I close my eyes and see darkness. Now I can see light. I follow the light and finally see my grandmother and mother smiling. I am finally where I belong. I am happy now.


End file.
